Talking with your doctor
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Talking with Your Doctor
This fact sheet is intended for young people with intersex variations/innate variation of sex characteristics. It may also be helpful for family members and carers.
Most people with intersex variations will see many doctors and medical specialists at different times in their lives. Often when you are young, your parents, or carers, do most of the talking. This can sometimes feel difficult as the discussions may feel private or personal. As you grow older, however, you can and will be more involved in talking with your doctors.
Talking with a doctor about your body can sometimes be scary, confusing and can make you uncomfortable or upset at times. A good doctor should listen to you and allow you to talk about your body with your own words, without shaming or judging you. Having a regular GP who is willing to learn more about your body with you can help you by building trust, assist you to understand medical results and recommendations, and support you in talking about your concerns.
There are doctors and specialists who can look after and manage different aspects of your physical health, as well as others who can help support you if you are struggling with difficult feelings or experiences, making big decisions or feel like you need to talk to someone about what is going on. Your regular doctor may involve other professionals in your healthcare, such as medical specialists and nurses, community workers like youth and social workers, or therapists such as counsellors and psychologists. These people can support you in different ways, both physically and mentally.
Understanding Your Doctor
Talking to a doctor or medical specialist can also be confusing at times because they can use complex words or try to explain difficult ideas. A good doctor should be able to explain things to you in a way that you can understand. If you feel you are placed in a position where you need to “educate” a doctor about your variation, it can become overwhelming and can often feel like you are disclosing your intersex experience to someone again (or for the first time!) so it will be helpful to revisit the document about disclosure. (see information sheet re disclosure) or suggest to offer the doctor information and links to training outside your appointment.
It is important that your doctor can explain why they need to do something, before you need to do it. You should always have a trusted adult, like a parent, carer or family member, in the room with you when something like this needs to happen.
Sometimes, you may need to be looked at by a doctor so that they can manage your health, this is called an examination. This might include examining your private body parts, like your chest and genitals with your clothes off. All the parts of our body need to be looked after and cared for, including private parts, however it can be awkward and uncomfortable to do this. These examinations are often embarrassing, even for adults and people who don’t have intersex variations.
Here’s some things to remember:
- You should always be told by the doctor what the examination is, what they want to do and why they are doing it.
- You should always have someone else that you know and choose to be in the room with you such as a parent or carer, or if you are older, you may choose to have a friend or partner with you.
- Your doctor should always let you know and ask if they need to touch you before doing so.
Expressing Yourself
If you feel embarrassed, unsure or scared you can tell you doctor by saying things like
- “Please stop, I don’t like being touched that way, it makes me feel embarrassed/uncomfortable/
scared.” - “What you’re saying is confusing, can you explain it to me so that I can understand it?”
- “I’m upset because I don’t want to have a blood test. The needle makes me feel scared.”
- “I feel angry right now and I need help to understand why.”
You should always tell your doctor if something hurts or is painful so they can stop and find a better way to do things.
If you don’t know what to say or how to say it. It might help to try and write it down or draw a picture of how you feel. Adults need to take your feelings seriously because you’re allowed to decide what happens to your body. If you don’t like the way that someone or something makes you feel, it’s okay to say “no” to them.
From the age of 15 years onwards, you are allowed to get your own Medicare card and adults (including your parents) are not allowed to access your records without your consent.
If you feel like there is pressure on you to make a decision or agree to something you’re not sure about, it is important to know that your medical decisions are yours to make. You can only make these decisions if you have information about all of the options available, so it is perfectly okay to ask your doctor for more information, and more time when making decisions about your medical care. It is also okay to say ‘no’ and ask for help if you’re feeling overwhelmed or upset. This is true for everyone in your life, especially your trusted adults, family and other doctors involved in your care. If you ever need to talk to someone about how you are feeling and what is happening, let a trusted adult involved in your care know, so they can help direct you to the best place to get the support you need.
These same trusted adults can also help you in future situations by coming to your appointments and supporting your involvement, choices and voice when talking with doctors and other specialists.
Asking Questions
This is your body, and you should have all the information you need to understand what is happening to it and any treatment you might need. Doctors often use big technical words and complex explanations that may not make a lot of sense to you. It can seem really difficult to ask questions if you feel like you don’t have the right words or ideas. This can make you feel silly or embarrassed about this, or you might feel like you need to agree to do things that you don’t understand. You don’t need to feel this way though, because a good doctor should make sure you understand everything by explaining medical information clearly and simply.
It’s always okay to ask questions, and it is important that you do, especially if you don’t understand something to do with your medical care.
You might try asking questions like:
- “What treatments have I had and why did I have them?”
- “I’m having trouble understanding this word, can you please explain it to me so I can understand it?”
- “I don’t understand why I need to do this. Can we wait until I understand it better?”
- “Can you please explain to me what my choices are?”
- “I think I need more information, but I don’t know what questions to ask.”
- “What do I need to know to take care of my body?”
Finding Support and Connecting with others
Intersex Support Organisations
- InterLink psychosocial support service – https://ilink.net.au
- InterAction for Health and Human Rights (formerly IHRA Intersex Human Rights Australia) – https://interaction.org.au/
- IPSA Intersex Peer Support Australia (formerly AISSGA) – https://isupport.org.au/
Support with Bullying and Harassment
Mental Health Services
Kids helpline – 1800 55 1800 – https://kidshelpline.com.au/ – 24/7 Phone Counselling for people aged 5-25
Lifeline – 13 11 14 – https://www.lifeline.org.au/ – 24/7 Crisis support and suicide prevention
Headspace – https://headspace.org.au/ – Mental health support for 12-25 year olds
- +61 7 3017 1724
- info@ilink.net.au
- PO Box 1372 Eagle Farm QLD 4009
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