Talking About Intersex at School or Work

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This fact sheet is intended for young people with intersex variations/innate variation of sex characteristics. It may also be helpful for family members and carers.

There can be times when living with an innate variation of sex characteristics comes up in your personal life in a way that you may need to address it with someone you didn’t expect. A teacher or supervisor might be asking questions about missing out on school or work shifts. Maybe there are some rumours among your peers that you feel pressured to address. You could feel like you’re being singled out for being intersex in certain situations. In these situations you can find yourself at risk of bullying or other forms of discrimination, or you might feel pressured to reveal information that you aren’t comfortable with.
There can also be situations where intersex comes up as a topic or discussed in a way that can cause distress. People sometimes make thoughtless jokes about bodies in a way that doesn’t feel good. Or sometimes when people have the wrong idea about intersex they can spread misinformation in a way that is dismissive or harmful. This can put you in a situation where just speaking up can result in more disclosure than you’re comfortable with.

Sex characteristics and intersex status are protected traits across Australia. It is never okay for someone to force you into situations that you are uncomfortable with on the basis of living with a variation. Knowing how to handle these situations is another matter, this guide aims to provide some information on how to safeguard yourself and follow up later.

You are in Control of Disclosure

There are no situations where you should feel forced to disclose if you don’t feel safe to do so. If someone puts you on the spot, the conversation ends when you say “I’m not going to answer that”, and you have every right to walk away from them if they keep pressing the point. If someone treats you poorly because you won’t disclose to them, realise that this is a form of bullying and it is appropriate to take action against them.

There may be other situations however, where you do feel comfortable having a conversation about being intersex. Thinking ahead about how you might want to talk about intersex is a good idea. Here are some of the questions or boundaries you may wish to consider and reflect on before entering conversations so you feel prepared:

What does having your variation mean to you?
When engaged in a conversation about your variation, how do you want it to be talked about? What language are you comfortable with? What words do you prefer to use?
What kinds of discussion about body parts (or other secondary attributes applicable to your intersex variation such as developmental delays and cognitive challenges) are you comfortable talking about?
If you’re willing to disclose your variation to others, how much information are you willing to disclose?
Are you comfortable talking about your variation in a way that limits what you say to only the stuff you’re comfortable with?
Disclosing that you’re intersex or have a variation of sex characteristics reveals a lot less personal information than disclosing a specific variation. The same goes for talking about certain experiences you’ve had as an intersex person. How much or how little you share is your choice.
What questions are you willing to answer? What questions are not willing to answer?
You choose what you disclose, who you disclose to and where. Consider the people you are willing to disclose to, the people you don’t want to disclose to and how public the space is in which you are disclosing. If you are in a space where you could be overheard or interrupted, check if you feel comfortable with disclosing your information to everyone who is present?
Are the people in the room qualified to respond to the needs you need addressed? Who would you prefer to be in the room?

Once you’ve set the terms of what you’re willing to disclose and how you’re willing to talk about it, do not let other people pressure you into giving more information than you’re comfortable with. Be clear about your boundaries, and remember you do not need to justify why you have them. Practice saying things like:

“That’s not important to this conversation.”
“That’s too personal. I don’t want to talk about that.”
“I won’t answer that question.”
“I dislike that word, please use this word.”
“I’m not comfortable talking about that around this person.”

Speaking up about intersex people or variations carries a certain amount of risk. As a relatively unknown and misunderstood topic, drawing attention to it can draw unwanted attention to yourself. Always judge the safety of a situation before deciding whether or not to raise the issue and consider that there might be a better way to tackle misinformation. You can always talk to a teacher out of class. Or address your needs with someone else in your school or workplace i.e. a school counsellor or a workplace Employee Assistance Program.

Managing Distress

Intersex topics can pop up in all kinds of situations. When caught off guard, sometimes the way that intersex is talked about in particular environments can be quite upsetting. Especially when these conversations are being led by people who do not have a lived experience of intersex variation. At any point if you feel like you are in distress, you are entitled to remove yourself from the source of that distress in a safe and direct manner.

If you know that intersex or sex characteristics are going to be discussed as a topic in your classroom, and if it’s a difficult topic for you, you may wish to flag with your teacher before the lesson that you would like the option to leave the classroom if you find content upsetting. This way you can make a plan with your teacher to accommodate your needs. If intersex comes up in the classroom unexpectedly, and you find yourself distressed, you are able to remove yourself from the classroom. It is important to check in with student services or a staff member that you trust.

Remember that when advising staff of your distress, you do not have to disclose your variation in order to have your distress taken seriously. Instead focus on establishing a plan with your teacher on how to handle the topic if it comes up again. You might feel comfortable as long as there’s some warning that the topic will come up. You might feel more comfortable having the option to do some other school work elsewhere. If you find that your teacher isn’t willing to make reasonable adjustments for you, make sure you have a parent who can back you up.

Staying Safe

Sometimes people face discrimination or bullying after disclosing about being intersex. Whether the disclosure was intentional or accidental, discrimination and bullying are not ok. Sometimes people also face discrimination or bullying because they have chosen not to disclose. This is also not ok. Discrimination on the basis of sex characteristics or intersex status is a fundamental violation of human rights recognised across Australia. Taking a few steps now will help you later if you need to escalate with third parties.

Keeping a log of behaviour is heavily recommended as it demonstrates a pattern of behaviour against you. Where it’s possible to document evidence of discrimination, try to keep it all in one place. You will want to write down the date and time, what happened, who was involved and who might have seen it happen. The more information you write down, the stronger the case you can make later on. Behaviour you might like to write down includes:

Aggressive comments, insults, and jokes
Avoidant behaviour or deliberate exclusion
Untargeted behaviour that creates a hostile space
Aggressive or violent behaviour
Victim blaming
Unwillingness to support you / dismissing and/or ignoring your concerns, not responding in a timely manner
Unwillingness to make reasonable adjustments – to enable you to participate fully at school or work – to address primary, secondary (or tertiary) traits associated with your intersex variation – such as private change rooms or providing support/s in response to cognitive challenges.
Pressure to resign from your job on the basis of your intersex traits.

Each and every time something happens, record it and speak to someone about the issue as an ongoing pattern of behaviour. In a school you might talk to a teacher, student services, a department or grade head, an assistant principal, or the school principal themself. Workplaces may be a little more challenging to navigate, but often there is a supervisor you can talk to, potentially someone more senior in the company, and human resources.

Whether you are at school or in a workplace, there are often people who are appointed to address these concerns. It is important that you lodge a written complaint in these situations. It can take some perseverance before you get an outcome that fixes the problem, however a complaint will trigger statutory obligations to investigate, and address reported incidents.

It’s also appropriate to ask for support if you need it. Sometimes having a friend, partner, family member, or even a community advocate in your corner can help you. Similarly, you may wish to engage with a counsellor, psychologist, or other mental health services to help manage distress and harm.

Escalating Complaints

If at any time you are put in a situation where you fear for your safety it is vital that you call police on 000. There are no circumstances where you should put up with criminal or dangerous behaviour.

If a pattern of harassment or bullying has been established and you are unable to get your school or workplace to take it seriously, it is important to escalate it with an appropriate third party. Discrimination on the basis of a protected trait is unlawful under anti-discrimination, equal employment opportunity, workplace relations, and human rights laws. A workplace that doesn’t address unlawful discrimination can be breaking the law as well as those engaging in harassment and bullying.

The Australian Human Rights Commission handles complaints under the following federal laws:

Age Discrimination Act 2004
Australian Human Rights Commission Act 1986
Disability Discrimination Act 1992
Racial Discrimination Act 1975
Sex Discrimination Act 1984

Also on a national level, the Fair Work Ombudsman provides information and guidance on workplace rights and obligations, and helps resolve workplace issues. They also enforce compliance with workplace laws. The Fair Work Commission is Australia’s national workplace relations tribunal that handles disputes related to workplace bullying, sexual harassment, discrimination, and unfair dismissal.

Each Australian State and Territory has places to turn to if you need to escalate serious concerns-

Australian Capital Territory: ACT Human Rights Commission
New South Wales: Anti-Discrimination Board of NSW
Northern Territory: Northern Territory Anti-Discrimination Commission
Queensland: Queensland Human Rights Commission
South Australia: Equal Opportunity Commission South Australia
Tasmania: Equal Opportunity Tasmania
Victoria: Victorian Equal Opportunity and Human Rights Commission
Western Australia: WA Equal Opportunity Commission

If you don’t have any familiarity with these sorts of organisations, you might be able to engage with a community advocate who has some experience. In the workplace, if you are a member of a union, consider contacting them. Numerous community organisations may be willing to help, especially if they advertise LGBQTIA+ services. You can also contact community services such as InterAction for Health and Human Rights and Intersex Peer Support Australia and they will try to help you.

Finding Support

Intersex Support Organisations

InterLink psychosocial support service – https://ilink.net.au

InterAction for Health and Human Rights (formerly IHRA Intersex Human Rights Australia) – https://interaction.org.au/

IPSA Intersex Peer Support Australia (formerly AISSGA) – https://isupport.org.au/

Support with Bullying and Harassment

Take action early and take responsibility for your own health and wellbeing. Knowing what to do if you are being bullied is important. Make sure you are informed and keep a diary of the bullying behaviour.
Get support from someone you trust. This person may be a supervisor or manager, teacher, GP, parent, health and safety representative or a local police officer.
Report to police all bullying that includes serious threats to your safety or life.
Anyone who needs crisis support can call Kids helpline (24 hours a day) on 1800 55 1800, Lifeline on 13 11 14, visit the website https://kidshelpline.com.au/ or contact local police.

Mental Health Services

Kids helpline – 1800 55 1800 – https://kidshelpline.com.au/ – 24/7 Phone Counselling for people aged 5-25
Lifeline – 13 11 14 – https://www.lifeline.org.au/ – 24/7 Crisis support and suicide prevention
Headspace – https://headspace.org.au/ – Mental health support for 12-25 year olds

Talking About Intersex at School or Work